Friday, May 23, 2008

So where did you draw the line?

Something that has been weighing heavy in my mind lately (and creating a big pit in my stomach): when it came to invitations, where do you draw the line?

Early in the planning, B and I drew some very arbitrary lines, and firmly agreed to stick to them (however flimsy they may have been). One rule: no children of cousins are invited. I have A LOT of cousins, and most of them have kids. The exponential growth was astounding. So that was one line.

Second: no one we don't know, or haven't spoken to in years. Seems to be a no-brainer, right?

Insert parents and kid-clinging cousins.

First, B's mom gave us her list. I didn't question it, because I didn't think it was my place to do that. Turns out she included her cousins, and their children. She also included neighbors from 10 years ago. She also included her personal friends. All ok and fine with me, as her numbers weren't huge. But, there are some people on the list who B has never met. There's just something wrong about, "Nice to meet you! Welcome to my wedding!" Anyway. It is OK.

But, my parents are not inviting their cousins, nor any of their friends. Gulp.

So the lines have been significantly blurred, but I still had to go back to one of my relatives (my dad's aunt) and tell her that no, her adult son's are not invited. That was tough.

I think the real lines are lines of relationships. If you are close to someone, you actually talk to them or have seen them in the past year. You feel some sort of bond with them. But the problem with these emotional lines is that you get into the sticky area of "oh so you just don't like me as much as Susie". Double gulp.

I sincerely wish that I could include everyone under the sun. I really really do. But at what point do you give up your vision and your level of comfort (our desire for a small intimate gathering) to please everyone else?


Stephanie said...

I do not envy your position... that is so tough... I totally agree with your rules to not invite all of the kids and not to invite people you don't know-The kids rule is an easy way to narrow the list and at least they won't be personally offended-they would probably rather stay home with the babysitter anyway :) As for people you've never met....If they are THAT close to your parents, you would have met them at some point, right? If it is too sensitive of a subject though, you can just invite them, hope they don't show up but send a nice present anyway :) Ha....

Anonymous said...

Yowza, it's getting close. LOVE the invitations (as mentioned in the voicemail). It'll be great Mz Katie. It'll all be great.
love, jaime