I'm baaack...and a whole lot more grounded.
I tend to get into "modes" that are tough to escape from. Cleaning mode - I won't stop until the whole house is gleaming and free of every last dustbunny. It is so bad that I will look at the clock and say, "It's 3:53?!?" and I haven't eaten lunch.
Sewing mode: won't stop until the garment is completely constructed and the sleeves are set just right. Once I do finish, sometimes 4 or 5 hours later, I get up and realize that my back is killing me.
Wedding planning: the worst mode of all. I can be online researching and emailing and poring over blog after blog, and not realize that it is 2am and I have to be at work in 6 hours. It had to stop. Sensory overload. I became so sensitive about my choices that I had invested so much time into, I admit that I snapped at B, something to the effect "well if that's what you want, then DO IT YOURSELF!" I think the conversation was about cheese. Definitely a low point.
I tend to pile on tasks and responsibilities and goals without much thought to if I actually have the time and energy to do all of these things a) to my standards and b) while keeping my sanity.
Sometime right before Christmas, B brought some much needed perspective: It's just one day. It's just 6 hours. It's not that big a deal. Let's just have fun.
Sounds simple, but I really just needed to hear it. I now realize that I was taking on way too much and putting completely unnecessary pressure on myself, and sometimes, projecting my stress onto people who totally didn't deserve it.
I have a new attitude. I'm keepin' it in perspective. And if you see me falling off the deep end again, please dear friends, reel me in.
From now on, I am making time for myself. I am giving my complete attention to my loved ones (not just the blank stare while the planning list ticks in the back of my mind).
I know that our wedding is going to be a totally awesome and totally "us" day. I don't need Martha Stewart's candy buffet or those escort cards strung from birch branches. I've given myself a pass for perfection.
So, moving on. Stay tuned for those exciting new developments I hinted at last month. Some are wedding-related, and some aren't. <>